I know you guys have warned me countless times against baking in the TeamEATS Kitchen and how I should not do it, because I always manage to screw it up. From burning those poor Cavallucci cookies for Siena to the poorly decorated (but still tasty!) bianconero Nutella cookies last Winter Break.

And you know what? I don’t care. I will bake, even if I am Baking Bad.

Because on Tuesday Juventus pulverized Chelsea into a pulp on Europe’s center stage, and I feel confident.

Plus, it’s Thanksgiving here in the USA and I needed to make a dessert. So this week on TeamEATS we’re making Milano Cookies!

Some of you in North America might be familiar with these treats: trademarked by Pepperidge Farm as part of their “European” cookie series, Milano Cookies are 2 thin cookies filled with a thin layer of chocolate sandwiched in between them.

According to wikipedia, this cookie was created as a result of Pepperidge Farm’s original cookie concept The Naples which was a single vanilla wafer cookie with dark chocolate filling topping it. The problem was that these cookies would stick together when in warmer climates, so the company “resolved” the problem by sandwiching Naples cookies together, creating the new Milano variety.

Which basically means that these “Milano Cookies” are a half-assed attempt to embrace something that was a complete failure, with absolutely NO connection to anything real or authentically Milanese.

Wow. Talk about an apropos description for the shadow of the squad that calls itself A.C. Milan these days!

Just look at today’s Rossoneri… A backline of historic pedigree now starts clowns like Daniele Bonera and Mario Yepes? A midfield that once eclipsed it’s opponents in class and talent now boasts Ricky Montolivo and a few butchers? An attack of… ok, Stephan El Shaarawy is the real deal. And Giampaolo Pazzini and Pato are strong when fit.

And congratulations to A.C. Milan for progressing through to the next phase of the Champions League (something Juventus have not yet accomplished) but the squad is missing a midfield, half an attack force, and an entire backline (two backlines if you count the lack of reserves).

This club is a bare shadow of what Milan used to be in the past. If they do anything this season it’ll be a miracle. I can’t wait to see them on Sunday.

Let’s do this.

Difficulty: Medium
Makes: 3 dozen cookies

The Nutella is an option if you don’t want to spend time and effort melting chocolate for the filling. I tried it both ways; obviously the Nutella is better but my philosophy with Nutella is that you ONLY eat Nutella by itself or on bread. Because anything else is a waste of Nutella. Don’t do it.

Directions

1. Cream the butter with a paddle attachment. I was at my parent’s house for Thanksgiving and luckily my mom had an electric mixer. If you don’t have a machine this recipe is still possible, but it will take longer. Add the sugar.

2. Add the egg whites gradually and then mix in the vanilla and lemon zest. You make lemon zest by using a grater on a washed lemon skin to scrape off bits of the skin. This part is fun, so enjoy.

3. Add the flour and mix until even (but not too much, don’t over mix it).

4. With a small (1/4-inch) plain tip, pipe 1-inch sections of batter onto a parchment-lined sheet pan, spacing them 2 inches apart as they spread. Use a 3×3 setup. Or spray a muffin lined tin with oil and pipe a thin amount of cookie into each muffin tin. Just cover the bottom of a muffin cup. If you don’t have a piping bag, use a ziplock back with a small hole cut in the corner. Try to make the strips evenly sized and spaced.

5. Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 10 minutes or until light golden brown around the edges. Let cool on the pan.

6. To make the cookie filling, scald cream in a small saucepan over medium flame. Take that hot cream and pour it over the chocolate pieces in a bowl. Whisk to melt chocolate and blend well.

7. Set aside to cool (the mixture will thicken as it cools). Spread a thin amount of the filling onto the flat side of a cookie while the filling is still soft and press the flat side of a second cookie on top. Repeat with the remainder of the cookies.

8. Consume. Imagine each bite of delicious cookie another merciless bite towards a thunderous victory that would make the devil himself weep.

Delicious and fun to make! And I didn’t screw it up this time!

Well ok, actually I did make mistakes; it took me 3 trays of attempts to figure out that 3×3 spacing for the cookies worked best. Most of my cookies are deformed and misshapen… But they are tasty.

Honestly the Nutella filling was a nice touch. If you go for it, I won’t fault you.

So no Juve dishes this week; maybe I should buy some for my mom for Christmas?

And I hope you guys like the “Baking Bad” image but please remember: NO SPOILERS in the comments!

What you can post in the comments section, however, are pics of your cookie creations. Who’s ready for Milan?

Mangiare è l’unica cosa che… Conte!

Back by popular demand, TeamEATS is a culinary guide to cooking and consuming the opposition. Each week, we pick a recipe from the home cuisine of Juve’s upcoming adversary, put on the kitchen apron and… cook it and eat it. Buon Appetito!